I agree with the Live Earth brain-washers on one issue: it’s about time the majority of the human race woke up… but not to the religion of man-made global warming. It’s about time we all woke up to the hypocrisy of the rich n famous lauding it over us that we should all become “carbon neutral” by damaging the environment and then expunging our guilt by planting a few trees, like Band Aid “healed” all of Africa’s troubles - remember that success story?

Let’s apply the tree-planting carbon “neutral” logic, then, to an analogous situation and see just how much sense it makes. Let’s say someone rich n famous causes you physical damage by breaking your nose, would it really make it “crime neutral” if they apologised and said: “oh, don’t worry - or sue my ass! - here’s some tissue and a bandage. There, all better now!”

The fact that the bone may be broken and the healing won’t return your nose to its original size n shape may not feature on your nose-breaker’s conscience. It’s not their nose after all.

This is effectively what “carbon hypocritical” singers such as Madonna and Sting (full list of hypocrites here) are saying. They fly in to various cities around the world on their private jets releasing a staggering 220,000 tons of carbon-based “pollution” Live into the Earth’s atmosphere, their collection of audiences leave enough rubbish to fill a landfill, their speakers and lights eat up enough electricity to power a small town, but, the concert organisers tell us, that’s A-OK because all artistes have given money to an organisation that will plant trees out in Mozambique (when various factions there are not bombing or chopping them down).� The concert’s toll on our planet is officially “carbon neutral”, even though there is much debate in the scientific community that “damage + band-aid” really does equate to neutral.

Never mind the science part - this is 21st Century religion we’re talking about here.� So, thank you!� Thank you jet-set Madonna, thanks Crowded House, thank you a thousand times Snoop Dogg, Bon Jovi, and all you other rich n famous private-jet flying, multiple-car driving singers of our age.� Thanks for breaking the Earth’s nose and then being so very kind and generous as to offer it some recycled tissue and bandage to make it all better again.

Where would planet Earth be without all you famous peeps?